About Me.

So who am I?
That's a question i've been trying to answer myself! I've been stuck at a crossroads for a long time. Between who I used to be, and who I could be. To put it simply: My past consisted of disordered eating, messed up friendships/relationships, and bad influences.  How did my disordered eating start? I believe it started when I pushed all of my friends out of my life.  You see, they were doing drugs. Not the normal pot smoking of teenage years, but hard drugs. I wanted nothing to do with it. I have never done drugs, and it was such an unpleasant and unwanted environment.  I also grew up with a disabled father.  Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming anything on him or my friends for that matter. It was my constant need to control things. A need to control my environment, a need to control my days when everything seemed out of control. I have never admitted this until now; but I did have a problem with disordered eating. I ate less than 1400 calories a day (my RMR was 1500) and worked out endlessly. The gym became my best friend. I tried to play it off as an "accident" but i've come to realize I was only fooling myself.  This summer I went to a doctors appointment and was about 10 pounds underweight. I was never diagnosed with anorexia because I didn't have a low enough weight. My doctor sent me to a nutritionist. I got everything back on the right track, I am back at a healthy weight, and things are going pretty good. I just made the decision to gain more weight.. to be healthier in the mid-range for "healthy BMI" rather than the lowest half.  But I'm doing okay. I hope you continue to read, and follow me on my journey to healthiness and happiness, and I might throw some sarcasm into the mix, :)